Helpful Ways To Support Children

Helpful Ways To Support Children - if a close a close family member has a mental illness

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Caring for children when a family member has a mental illness

If you are caring for a child (your own or someone else’s) who has a close family member affected by a mental illness, it is important to give them your love and support.

Coming to terms with the impact of mental illness on a family member can be difficult, and often takes a long time.

All families have to deal with stressful situations at times, and it is easy at such times for a parent or carer to overlook the needs of children and young people. This is particularly so in times of crisis.

Sometimes adults can be so upset themselves that they may not realise just how much more difficult it can be for children, who do not have the same level of understanding that we do.

Children may feel confused, upset, guilty or angry, just as adults can, but may not be able to talk about their feelings, and may express their feelings in other ways.

Be alert for signs that children are not coping. Spending some time with them to address their concerns can help them feel a lot better about the situation.

Finding time to talk with them, letting them know you care and will look after them is very important. Doing something practical with them to help them cope with the changes in their lives can also help you, as well as them, to gain a better sense of understanding and to regain a sense of control.

Helpful ways to support children

Allow the child regular contact with the ill parent or sibling unless the person is so disturbed they are frightening, intimidating or have delusional beliefs about the child. If these disturbances exist, discuss with staff how to minimize confusion and anxiety brought about by contact.
If hospitalisation occurs, visits should be regular enough to both reassure the child that the patient is okay, and to maintain the relationship. They should not be so frequent that they interrupt the child’s ongoing life.
Remember that even in crisis situations children still need to carry on playing, spending time with friends, and asking questions to help them to adapt to the changing circumstances.
Continue familiar routines and relationships with peers and other significant adults as far as possible.
Explain any intense feelings or unusual behaviour of the ill family member. Left to their own devices children often blame themselves and feel irrationally responsible for the things that go wrong.
Children can be confused and worried by their own intense feelings. It is common for children to experience anger, resentment and sometimes shame in relation to the ill person, while at the same time wanting to care for them and protect them
Show the child appropriate ways to express how they feel. Upset children should be comforted. Angry or frustrated children may need to be encouraged to kick a ball, run, or go for a swim. Play is a very important distraction at times of stress for children.
Children sense the stigma that can be attached to mental illness. They may fear being teased or ridiculed. They may also become worried about themselves. Offer the child explanations so they understand that the illness is not because the person is bad, dirty, or being punished.
Children’s coping skills programs and groups are available for extra support.

Signs to watch for

An important thing to realise is that children and young people may express their feelings and fears in a range of ways - often they do not have the words or understanding to express themselves in ways that adults expect.

Children and young people may express themselves in:

behaviour — acting out, acting younger, anxiety, attention seeking, etc.
physical signs — nausea, headaches, stomach aches, sleep disturbances, etc.
thinking — attention and concentration problems, confusion, poor memory, preoccupied, distracted, active fantasy life, etc.

It is difficult to pinpoint any specific sign that a child or young person is not coping. Therefore it is important to be alert to sudden or even gradual change.

Things to consider

Home life and family routines may have changed enormously, making it difficult for children or young people to function at school.
Behaviour change can be a sign that they are not coping.
They may feel very isolated, and be scared to tell anyone what is happening at home.
Small things may take on a greater significance to them.
Often they are not told what is happening, or they may be told things that are confusing or not accurate.
They may have their own words to describe what they have experienced. It is important to use their words in order to help children better understand what is happening and what they are experiencing.
Sometimes they are or have been taking on adult responsibilities. They may have been doing things for themselves and their families that would not be expected of a child or young person.

How much to tell them

It is important to tell children and young people something about what is happening. If they are not told anything at all they will create their own version and may imagine all sorts of incorrect and frightening things.

Give enough information so they can understand the problem, but don’t give unnecessary detail. Tell them what they need to know — they may surprise you with how much they do understand. Ask them to tell you what they know and what else they want to know.

Older children are capable of comprehending more and may appreciate some simple written information.

Try to be as honest as possible; if you don’t know something then tell them you don’t know.

Seek professional advice, and talk with other people involved and try to reach agreement about what the children should be told about the illness. Let them know that the illness is not about them, they didn’t cause it, they can’t fix it, and they are still loved.

FOR MORE INFORMATION CALL:

24 hour information and counselling

PARENT LINE: 1300 1300 52

ARAFMI Information & Support Line

9332 0700 – SYDNEY callers

1800 655 198 – REGIONAL callers