I'm in the same boat as so many of you who have posted here and I want to thank you for sharing your stories - its helped me realise I'm not alone and also, that my situation is not normal or ok. About a year ago I first thought of leaving my husband. Things have steadily got worse but I'm still here. I don't want to hurt him, I worry how a separation will effect the children, I keep hoping things will get better. For all of you who posted last year, can you give me an update? If you stayed, what helped you renew your commitment? If you left, did it bring you any relief or peace? I don't want to go on in this state of limbo for much longer but I don't know what it's going to take to make me do something about it.
Thank you all for letting me know I am not alone. I am not going to get into detail as my story is strikingly similar to all the others here. But I will be bookmarkin. Bless all of you!
I stumbled across this forum after typing some search terms into google.
I am a guy, a husband & father, who is 6 years into fighting a battle with depression after other much shorter episodes earlier in my life.
My partner doesn't really sound like a lot of the people posting here. Her choice has been to ignore this part of me, turn on the TV & cut me out of her life. A few times I was feeling suicidal, told her and was just met with silence. I've passed on brochures about groups like this but according to her you don't talk about 'personal' things with people you dont know. I organised some free family therapy & she walked out of that. Anyway, not going to rave on about that, thats just where Im coming from.
My therapist says this situation is not ideal, but not having so much support is actually better than being smothered by it. [In terms of being able to recover as one has to lift oneself up] I agree, as my depressed sister is smothered by her husband. Yet I'm jealous at times.
Why dont I leave? I have twice, and come back as my depression worsened rather than get better as I though it may have. I have continued to work full-time, after taking a demotion, but it sort of scares me if I was out on my own & my depression worsened. Home life can be pretty shit, but at least I have hope here.
A couple of things seem to stand out after reading on here.
Firstly, am I crazy, but after reading here, is treatment for males with depression mainly ineffective? Are these psychs/therapists aware of what situations the illness is causing in homes? Is there an epidemic of poorly treated chronic depression in males?
Secondly, family & partners need to be more involved in the treatment process. Some family therapy sessions should be part of the Medicare package. If things are getting more screwed up at home then the therapist should be able to hear it, not just relying on the patient.
I cant speak for others, but I know after a long while with my 'shrink' it's almost like you dont want to let them down by saying things are getting worse.
I think us guys suffer from the 'dont want anyone to see me down/or cry' disease. It's rammed into you as a boy, dont show weakness & all that shit. We continue to do it in society and boy do we all pay the price years down the track.
I have tried everything that worked to get me out of depression before; meditation, creative visualisation, laughter therapy, exercise regimes, etc. and none of it has worked this time. I even lost 25 kilo getting extremely fit & running half marathons but darkness just descended each time I finished running. Now Ive put 35 kilo back on.
I think too much treatment focus is on the short episodes of depression rather than the chronic sufferers. Like just about all Western medicine, we are pretty good at saving lives, but not so great at long-term health. I think many doctors are satisfied with stopping suicides but not as concerned about long term depression. And they dont see all the pain caused to family too.
I was in a relationship with john and we loved and cherished ourselves for 3 good years and every thing was going on smoothly but August 12, 2011 a day I can call a lovers day we both had misunderstanding because I answered a call from a guy that is asking me out for a date but I refused, and he told me that the relationship is over and that he is fed up with me and I begged him because I love him so much but he refused me I was so down cast and I felt the world has come to an end for me but my friend told me about a spell caster that helped her sister out in getting her relationship back, a good job and favor in any of her endeavor but at first I was scared but I have to give this man a trial because I love john very much and I am not willing to loose him to any woman, so I ordered returning my love spell from this great spell caster that make me a happy woman again to say it all my ex came back to me with much love and a caring heart...i am testifying to this great spell caster Dr sambol spell temple. if you need his help you can contact him on firstname.lastname@example.org
my husband has had depression for some 10 years now. At first he used to be very short tempered and flare up at the smallest family issues. Now he is on medication and he can control his temper much better. He just feels very down at times , no energy and sleeps a lot. He was on stress leave and off work last year but is happy at work now . So my situation is not at all bad as some of the stories I have read in this column.
I like to say how grateful I feel to all the people who have written on this post. From reading their posts I have finally understood what depression is and what my husband goes through. I feel I have not exactly been very supportive of him.After reading some of these stories I have realised how wrong I was in not accepting his condition and putting pressure on him to "snap" out of it. On his on accord he keeps himself motivated by developing interest in sports, gardening and excercise. When he is positive, loving and energetic and fun to be with, I take him for granted. thinking he is normal again and can handle any nagging or criticism I throw at him. Instead of encouraging him and overlooking some small mistakes he makes , I would be critical and bring his self esteem down. Then he would go down again for weeks. I wish I had come across this site earlier as I would not have made so many mistakes in our relationship and understanding this illness. I thought I understood depression but I think for the first time in so many years, I really understand it ,and come to accept it. OMG I have been such a fool. I oh so want to be a loving and caring wife now and make ammends. My husband is wonderful , I have not exactly been a dragon of a wife but I know now how to ammend some of the mistakes I have made. I am so lucky compared to other wifes who are going through hell. I know what I need to do now. Praise my husband when he does something good, stop being negative and critical and understand him more when he feels down. Thank you , you have saved my marraige and my life.
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