My boyfriend of 3 years who I have been living with for about 1.5 years has over the last 6months or so been suffering with some form of depression. The trigger seemed to be when he was made redundent from his job at the end of last year, although (dont ask why LOL) he still gets paid for his position so the depression isn't to do with money, the fact he had only been at the company for around 8 months after spending 1 year unemployed looking for a job was a blow to his self esteem and the launch of "why do I bother" kind of mentality. He has some problems with his family and now with this he seemed to slowly go downhill with his mood and general frame of mind. He has started seeing a phsyciatrist and has been prescribed 2 forms of medication (which he hates taking as he doesn't want to become a "zombie") but none of it seems to help, he usually feels better after talking to his therapist but pretty much the next day he seems depressed again.
The main problem is sleeping. He cant sleep at night and is sometimes awake when I get up at 7am for work, and this weekend he woke up at 9pm on saturday and didnt wake up at all on Sunday. although this was an extreme case it is not unusual. As soon as he wakes up he feels guilty and you can see he hates himself and apologises to me 50 times, but then the next day it is the same thing.
The problem is I am unsure how to help, I've tried being understanding and supportive and telling him i'm there for him.
I've tried planning stuff he loves so make him excited about doing something.
I've tried telling him that I can't handle it and I don't know what to do and telling him how I feel.
Nothing seems to help. He likes when i'm understanding but at the same time I can't help but get angry at myself because when i am understanding as selfish as it sounds in a way I hate myself because I feel a sense of anger towards him because our life together is at a standstill as long as he is like this.
I'd really appreciate some help, I love him so much I can't bear to see him like this.
Sorry if this was long, I guess I also needed to vent.
PS. He only makes every other appointment at his therapist's because he doesn't wake up, so even they are giving him a hard time when he misses. :(
Miss michelleLS, you story is almost identical to mine. My husband has anxiety and depression too and has done so for all of our 11-year marriage. It has been diagnosed for around 7 or 8 years. He has a drug problem too that goes in phases with different drugs and sometimes a combination... It is is extremely hard to deal with for me, especially now that we have two children... I feel angry, frustrated, sad, let-down, disappointed and quite miserable too. But like you said too, I love the bastard to bits! My best advice is to keep the lines of communication open as much as possible and take time out for yourself to get a break from him. There are two great books by Graeme Cowan, called 'back from the brink' and 'back from the brink too'. The latter is for Carers/partners of depressed people. It has lots of info, coping strategies etc.
Yep, and you are right, being understanding and giving all the time is quite hard when they seem to have no concept of how their behaviour affects you. So, you need some boundaries to protect yourself.
Best of luck! Talk soon.
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