Primary school children

Dreamstime

Explaining the situation

As children become older (5-12 years) they need to understand and make sense of their world. They need clear and accurate statements about what is happening and why. Explanations should be given in a sensitive but truthful manner, it helps them if they understand that some behaviours and feelings are symptoms of illness or stress.

Children can have their trust in relationships undermined if they feel misled. Withholding facts can also lead them to become worried and preoccupied trying to fill in the gaps. However, children should not be flooded with the feelings and worries of the adults. Simple explanations are best, such as 'your father has an illness called schizophrenia. It affects the way he thinks about things and sometimes he cannot tell what is real and what is a dream. He is going to hospital for a while so he can be give a medicine which helps'.

Helping children deal with others

Some children prefer to be open with peers and some will prefer privacy. It is useful to review what to say to other people, and to have clear reasons why someone should or should not be told. Children often do not know what to say even if they would like to. Adults can help to find the right words for them to enlist support from friends.

It can be helpful to rehearse in advance some difficult or awkward situations a child may have to face so that they are less anxiety producing. Give the child some suggestions as to how to behave and what might be the best way to react. Rehearsal could cover events such as visiting a disturbed sibling who says strange things, what to do if you are teased and what to do if a parents starts to cry or becomes upset or angry.

Rehearsal helps to build children's resilience by helping them to discover and develop their own problem solving strategies. Children can be very creative in dealing with challenging life events.

Some children will attempt to respond to a crisis by becoming a caregiver themselves. They may need guidelines as to which are appropriate responsibilities and roles for them to assume.